Football

Uwdi Krugg will be spending the 2016-17 season watching South West non league football, eating the wrong kind of food and having a bloody good moan.


Thursday, 24 September 2009

Porthmadog

Tuesday 22nd September 2009
Loosemores Welsh Premier League Cup (Group Stage)
Porthmadog 4 Connahs Quay 0
Attendance: 136
Admission: £6
Programme: £1.50p
Tea hut purchase: Tea 60p (Had fish & chips down the road)
Weather: A little breezy and quite cool but it stayed dry
Parking: Club car park (free)
It was the smallest battered fish I had ever seen! I was that hungry I didn't even make it to the ground never mind the tea hut. To get to the Y Traeth Stadium you take a left off the Porthmadog High Street onto Snowdon Street, this is the location for the award winning Allports chippy. I had only recently recovered from my dodgy burger at Bangor City the previous Saturday so I thought I was being sensible in ordering just the 'small' titled portion of fish and chips. I gave the woman the £2.95p and quickly drove the rest of the way up Snowdon Street to the spacious club car park. Imagine my horror when I opened my steaming tray, there under 13 chips lay a fish which was the very same size as a Captain Birdseye fishfinger! Ok, I had ordered the small portion but this was just ridiculous, I had 3 bites of the tiddler and it was gone. That bloody chippy would win no awards with me. I got in the ground and took some photographs much to the strange amusement of the stewards who probably thought I was some kind of escaped nutter? They have a nice little programme at Porthmadog with an AC Milan type cover, very classy I must say. Pity the visitors weren't Juventus instead of Connahs Quay who had by all accounts turned up without a goalkeeper? The tea hut didn't open until the last half hour before kick off and it was a bit of a weird set up with no menu and the inside of the hut looking more like a sweet shop than a place to purchase pies and the like. It looked like all they had was chips and possibly some burgers. I decided just to have a tea which was received in a nice pot cup and very good it was too.
This League Cup thing was still at the group stage and Porthmadog needed a win tonight to have any chance of progressing to the knockout rounds. As they had not won a match all season and had not managed to score more than 1 goal in a game the prospects of cup glory for the suffering locals looked a long shot. What nobody had accounted for was the goalkeeping problems Connahs Quay had. Tonight they were forced to play defender Ben Alston in the nets and I am afraid to report that poor Ben had a real shocker! Perhaps they had to draw lots to see who would take the gloves because Ben was certainly no budding keeper, he was absolutely awful. Porthmadog put 4 goals past him and poor old Ben was at fault for each and every one. He was either as static as a statue, completely out of position or literally putting the ball into his own net, a goalkeeping standard of performance I am likely never to see again. Porthmadog were pools winners on the night and they withdrew their winnings with pleasure. Ben was so rank it mattered little what the rest of the match was like because you had the feeling that if Connahs Quay pulled a goal back, Porthmadog only had to jog down the pitch, get some kind of a shot on target and that would be the balance restored again. Poor Ben.
Nice to see that Bargain Booze had a big advert in the programme that states how proud they are to support Porthmadog FC. Even nicer and ever so slightly ironic to see a couple of sad chav type losers being kicked out of the ground for refusing to hand over their umpteenth cans of Fosters and causing a silly commotion with their swearing and aggressive nature. Apparently they weren't locals and this was the first time any incident of this nature had happened at the ground, a bit of a relief for the Bargain Booze marketing department then. Shame the incident occurred to start with as it does seem a really friendly club at Porthmadog and all the ground staff appeared to be good people.

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